Writing New Jersey Life

People and places of New Jersey…with some travels.

Category: Friendship

“Anne Frank at the Center for Jewish History: One Visitor’s View”

“…when I write I can shake off all my cares.  My sorrow disappears, my spirits are revived…will I ever be able to write something great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer?”

For any reader of The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank or one of its several noteworthy versions, “Anne Frank The Exhibition” at the Center for Jewish History pays respectful tribute to Anne Frank and her memory.

A knowledge of Anne’s brief life of 16 years, 1929-1945, humanizes the vast numbers lost in the Holocaust.  The exhibition introduces visitors to Anne and her family with a collection of photographs and the family’s personal effects.  Curated with dedication by Ronald Leopold, executive director of the Anne Frank House, and the Center for Jewish History staff, this brings the experience of her namesake Amsterdam museum to New York City.  The exhibition places the Frank family in the framework of the time and shows how they and their fellow Jews lost their freedom, and many, their lives, with a rapid and chilling progression.

Commemorated by many on World Book Day, April 23rd, Anne’s diary is still read by students across the country, with an estimated 30 million readers worldwide and Anne’s original Dutch words translated into more than 75 other languages.  Her incredible spirit is what struck me most after re-reading Anne’s diary following a visit to the exhibition.  Many passages touch the heart – Anne was already what she wanted to be: a writer.  Anne’s observations are insightful and often hilarious, which a reader might not expect going into this.

Anne received the diary for her 13th birthday, June 12, 1942, when she led a comfortable and relatively carefree life in Amsterdam after moving there from Germany at age five.  Otto Frank had relocated his family from their home in Frankfurt, Germany due to the rise of the Nazis and antisemitism.  Anne referred to her diary as “Kitty,” the name of a character from the popular novels of Cissy van Marxveldt that Anne enjoyed. Kitty became a friend to whom Anne wrote letters filled with her innermost thoughts.  

Though social and popular, Anne found that she could not find genuine intimacy with her friends, being unable “to talk about anything but everyday things…We don’t seem to get any closer, and that’s the problem….”. Anne relied even more on her confidences with Kitty after the family went into hiding in the attic of the Opetka pectin factory that her father had managed.

Otto Frank, a former lieutenant with the Imperial German Army who received an Iron Cross for heroism in World War I, had tried to get his family out of the Netherlands as he had Germany.  Not being Dutch citizens complicated matters, and with the help of some of his employees, he prepared a hiding place for them in the attic above his factory office.  The Franks moved into “The Secret Annex,” as they called it, on July 6, 1942.  Otto’s colleague Hermann van Pels, his wife Auguste and their son Peter, known as the “van Daans,” and Auguste as “Petronella” in Anne’s diary, joined them a week later.  A kind man, Otto Frank thought they had room to help one more.  Dentist Fritz Pfeffer, whom Anne refers to as “Albert Dussel,” joined them in November 1942.  They remained together until August 4, 1944, when someone, still not known with certainty, betrayed them all to the Nazis.

The exhibition recreates the Secret Annex and the historical backdrop that led to the Franks’ seclusion.  Visitors first immerse themselves in the lives of the Franks and then move on to the events that led to their retreat from the world. For those also fortunate enough to have visited the Anne Frank House, this exhibition underscores and refreshes that experience. Post-pandemic, visitors may have an even greater respect for the resilience of the Franks for having lived so long in such a confining way.  The emotional repercussions of this resonate throughout Anne’s accounts.  Going through adolescence (ages 13-15) in a fishbowl with scrutinizing adults was difficult for her, in combination with the claustrophobia they all felt. Yet Anne remained optimistic, “I’m blessed with many things: happiness, a cheerful disposition and strength…I feel liberation drawing near, I feel the beauty of nature and the goodness of people around me….:

One of their two lifelines was the Dutch friends who helped them: Miep Gies, Otto’s secretary, brought food and supplies and delivered mail for the group.  She and Bep Voskuijl, the young secretary, helped Margot and Anne continue their studies by using their names to enroll in correspondence courses.  Johan Voskuijl, Bep’s father and the warehouse manager, built the bookcase that ingeniously hid the entrance to the attic; Johannes Kleiman and Victor Kugler, Otto’s friends, helped run the office and bring supplies. Jan Gies, Miep’s husband, who fought in the Resistance, had connections that helped them operate in the attic.

Anne was deeply grateful to them: “It’s amazing how much these generous and unselfish people [the Dutch] do, risking their own lives to help and save others.  The best example of this is our own helpers, who have managed to pull us through so far and will hopefully bring us safely to shore, because otherwise they’ll find themselves sharing the fate of those they’re trying to protect.  Never have they uttered a single word about the burden we must be, never have they complained that we’re too much trouble….”

Anne admired their friends and the fighting spirit of the Dutch, “…my first wish after the war is to become a Dutch citizen.  I love the Dutch, I love this country, I love the language, and I want to work here.”  Under the harsh conditions and deprivation of war, unfortunately antisemitism surfaced towards the end of the war in the Netherlands.  Though Anne was disappointed, she did not lose her love for her adopted country, and their Dutch helpers remained kind and loyal.

The other lifeline for Anne and those in hiding with her was the BBC Radio.  BBC sponsored Radio Oranje, which allowed Queen Wilhelmina, living in exile in London, to reach her subjects who were under Nazi occupation.  In a March 1944 speech on Radio Oranje, Dutch Education Minister Gerrit Bolkestein, also exiled in London, encouraged the public to keep diaries, letters, and any records from the war as evidence.  His words inspired Anne to revise her diary for publication.  Fifteen-year-old Anne, who had matured as a writer, began to edit the work that she had started at 13.

Younger readers may learn about Anne through a National Geographic Kids edition with helpful timelines and definitions, various picture books, and a more recent, vibrantly illustrated Anne Frank’s Diary The Graphic Adaptation (2018), though guided reading with parents is a suggestion. According to the Anne Frank House, there are two editionsof the diary itself.  Anne’s original diary, begun at 13, is version A, Anne Frank’s Diary, and she referred to her later version, which she began editing, version B, as The Secret Annex.  Helpers Miep Bies and Bep found and saved Anne’s writings, which included some of her fairytales and short stories.  After they heard that Anne had died, Miep gave Anne’s writing to her father.  In 1947, Otto Frank published Het Achterhuis (The Secret Annex), five years after Anne’s death.  He added some of Anne’s original diary entries and fictional work; he left out an entry in which Anne criticized his marriage out of respect for his wife.  The first English version was The Diary of a Young Girl, often referred to as “The Diary of Anne Frank,” published in 1952.  In 1986, a “scientific” edition included Anne’s two versions with her editorial changes. (What I read or re-read was The Definitive Edition Anne Frank The Diary of a Young Girl.) Anne’s book has inspired a Pulitzer Prize-winning play by Frances Goodrich, Belleville-Nutley, NJ, and her husband Albert Maurice Hackett, NYC, movies, including anime and animation, and dramatic series with a recent one about Miep Gies, several of which the exhibition notes along with displaying one of the three Oscars for the 1959 Hollywood film version.

As Alexandra Zapruder share in the National Geographic Kids account of Anne’s life, there are other well-known diary accounts by Jews were in hiding, notably by: Otto Wolf, who hid in a forest with his parents; Peter Feigl, who hid in France with the aid of a Catholic, a Quaker, and a Protestant, and ultimately moved to the US; Yitskhok Rudashevski, who lived in a Lithuanian ghetto; Mirian Korber, a Romanian living in the Ukraine who later became a doctor, and siblings Peter Ginz and Eva Ginzova, who lived in the Terezin ghetto in German-occupied Czechoslovakia; Peter died, but Eva lived on to become an artist. Many students have read Elie Wiesel’s moving Night about his experiences with his father in the Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps.  What may not be as familiar is “Fighter” (2000), a touching documentary by Amir Bar-Lev about Czech war hero Jan Wiener and writer Arnost Lustig.  The Jewish aviator and the concentration camp survivor retrace Jan’s journey from Nazi-occupied Czechoslovakia to England where he became a pilot with the Czechoslovak 311th Bomber Squad RAF.

“Anne Frank The Exhibition” is only at the Center for Jewish History through October 31st. Seeing the exhibition takes about an hour. For the reasonably priced tickets, please reserve online. Hours are Sunday-Thursday 9:30 a.m. till 7:30 p.m. and Fridays 9:30 a.m. till 3:30 p.m. Closed on Saturdays. The exhibition contains historic documents and items sensitive to the light, so photography is prohibited except for the press.  Allow extra time for a security check at the entrance.  The security presence around and in the museum conveys the commitment of the administration and staff.

During these beautiful spring days, Holocaust accounts of those remembered on Yam HaShoah, April 24th, and on International Holocaust Remembrance Day, January 27th, may seem distant.  To remember them, however, is to show our compassion.  To honor them is to go forward without repeating the mistakes of the past.

(Sources: annefrankhouse.org, centerforjewishhistory.org, britannica.com, screenrant.com, wiki)

“A 1970s Snapshot”

In a 1970s snapshot, our family lived in a New Jersey suburb that was as much Jewish as it was Christian at the time.  The only cultural divide was a short-lived debate of whether or not to have Christmas trees or menorahs in public schools during the holidays.  Ultimately, I believe “go for it” was the decision with decorations for all.  When Adam Sandler’s “The Chanukah Song” rolled around in the ‘90s, which brought everyone together through laughter, the brief back and forth was a distant memory.

With our surname “Levey,” which is Irish and perhaps once spelled “Leavey,” I sometimes got “Happy Holiday” cards given by classmates from whom I received communion at a Catholic girls’ school.  The mix-up was sweetly funny but reflected genuine consideration, and I appreciate it when anyone wishes me well.  If people sometimes probed, I followed my parents’ respectful cue of not clarifying our religion out of consideration for our Jewish neighbors.

The playful could become serious. Our father, who had started out struggling as a Depression-era child in Northeastern Pennsylvania, worked incredibly hard and eventually traveled internationally on business.  He often went to Beirut, the “Paris of the Middle East,” as it was known, one of his favorite places for its beauty, the people, and its cosmopolitan atmosphere.  Around 1970, worldwide hijackings began to rise.  As tensions began in Beirut before the war in 1975, travel became dangerous. Though it may be difficult to believe, flight attendants at the time either held or collected the passports of passengers with Jewish-sounding surnames to expedite hostage-taking for potential hijackers.  The attendants likely did this upon instruction in the hope of sparing the rest of the passengers and crew.  Whether they were US-owned airlines or international, I do not recall, but on one flight, an attendant held my father’s passport.  He did not identify himself as a Christian and did not ask for the return of his passport. 

When our father came home, he shared this with our mother in an understated way while he unpacked.  I was in junior high, old enough to understand what this meant, and though I was worried about him, I admired his courage.  He did not mention if the bystanders on the flight questioned this practice.  Though we never discussed his decision, I imagine that in the moment, he thought what he taught us, “There but for the grace of God go I.”  When flight attendants held his passport for a second time, his response was the same. Mercifully for us, the US banned travel to Beirut, which ended his trips there, though he followed the news with concern for friends and former colleagues.

Though I do not have answers or definitive thoughts on hatred or unkindness towards any people, from teaching, I do know that bullying often starts small.  Every teacher knows that even a hint of bullying must be addressed immediately, or it may spread, perhaps even virally, through social media or aided by the passivity of others.  The ideal is an environment that encourages kindness, empathy, and connection, so students are self-aware regarding their behavior and its potential effect on others.  Students who learn to look out for each other as classmates will one day make great neighbors and want to contribute to their communities.

Going back to an early life lesson, on some Saturdays, our father used to take my brother and me to his office downtown in New York City, which was exciting.  We would play with the adding machines while he worked.  On the way to or from his office, we would stop by the World Trade Center to check the construction progress from a cavernous hole to a marvel of engineering. On those stops, our father used to impart his hard-won wisdom.  One observation that resonates the most is, “In life, you have to decide, are you going to build or are you going to tear down?”  For all of us, this remains a fundamental life question.

“Anne Frank The Exhibition” All Rights Reserved ©2025 Kathleen Helen Levey

Saint Nicholas Day (Mikulas)

“Saint Nicholas” or “Mikulas”

Christmas kolachkes

Saint Nicholas in the United States is known as Santa Claus, a jovial figure who travels from the North Pole on Christmas Eve to bring gifts to good girls and boys. The writer Washington Irving, remembered at his Sunnyside home in the New York Hudson Valley, introduced “Sancte Claus,” a Dutch patron saint who smoked a pipe, rode in a wagon, and slid down chimneys to deliver gifts to children in “A History of New York” (1809) and extolled Christmas merriment in England in four essays in “The Sketch Book” (1819), known today for “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” and “Rip Van Winkle”. His essays described celebrations that were nothing like the subdued observances of the American Puritan culture of the time. After returning home, Washington Irving co-founded The Saint Nicholas Society of New York, which moved gift-giving from the European St. Nicholas Day on December 5th or 6th to the 25th to extend the celebration. Washington Irving saw “yuletide gatherings” as cheerful counterbalances to life, later “fine-tuned” by Charles Dickens.

Clement Clarke Moore/Harry Livingston, Jr.’s poem “Twas the Night Before Christmas” (1823, now marking a 200th anniversary) first described St. Nicholas as “jolly” and added reindeer and the drawings of German-American caricaturist Thomas Nast (1862), whose works are at Macculloch Hall in New Jersey, are other artists who changed the image of the more serious Sinterklass of the Dutch in New York City into Santa Claus. (“Sinterklass” became “Sinty Claus,” though our grandfather, born on Christmas Eve in 1897 and whose father was from Ireland, used to say what I thought was “Santy Claus,” perhaps the Gaelic “Sainti” for “Santa” and others may have similar stories from many cultures.)

Thomas Nast’s Santa Claus, originally shared in a political context (Wiki)

Preceding Sinterklass and Father Christmas in England, Scotland, and Ireland was the original Santa figure of Saint Nicholas of Myra, Turkey, (270-343), a real-life Christian bishop with a miter, staff, and vestments who was the patron saint of children and a bringer of gifts, often in secret, which included throwing pouches of gold coins through the windows of those in need.  Saint Nicholas Day, which often begins with the bishop’s arrival on a white horse on December 5th or 6th and starts a holiday season that lasts through Three Kings Day, January 6th, in The Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, and France.

At the holidays, many of us have hearts in two places whether with family and friends near and far, two homes, or perhaps between the past and the present.  On December 5th, “Mikulas,” I always think of Prague where I had the pleasure of living for a time. I had planned on sharing this year’s recipe “thank you” for St. Nicholas Day or “Mikulas,” but all the elements in the photos came together afterward.  Czechs celebrate somewhat like our Halloween with costumes which is a source of great fun and would be lovely to share at another time. What always struck me about Mikulas was that there was such tremendous spirit on one of the darkest nights of winter.  

Gift-giving and the family celebration is on Christmas Eve („Štědrý večer,” or “Generous Evening”) after the traditional meal of fish soup, schnitzel or carp, potato salad, and vegetables. (Sometimes, the carp is not eaten, but kept in a bathtub like a pet for the children, which I remember fondly from my early days there.)  After dinner, a bell rings to let children (and grown-ups) know that Baby Jesus (Ježíšek) has left their presents under the Christmas tree.  Good conversation, Czech fairy tale movies, Christmas cookies, and often midnight mass follow even for the non-religious. Visits with friends and neighbors take place on Christmas Day and the day after.  Though kolaches are not associated with Christmas, they are popular everyday pastries that Czechs and visitors alike enjoy year-round.  This year’s cookie recipe “thank you” is a spin on those.

Beautiful, traditional Czech-style glass-blown ornament from Michelle Carr on Esty: Cschelles who sells these at the Prague Christmas Market as well as online.
Astronomical clock ornament and “Merry Christmas”

The Czech ornaments I had were long ago given away, much like the impossibility of keeping a good book to oneself.  They were too beautiful not to share, which Czechs would understand as the work of good writers circulated with appreciation.  To my Czech friends in the “big village” of Prague, I was and am thinking of you with gratitude.

České ozdoby, které jsem měl, byly dávno rozdány, podobně jako nemožnost nechat si dobrou knihu pro sebe. Byly příliš krásné na to, abychom je nesdíleli, což by Češi chápali jako dílo dobrých spisovatelů, které kolovalo s uznáním. Svým českým přátelům z pražské „velké vesnice“ jsem na vás byl a myslím na vás s vděčností.

“Bowdoin College” bear from the UK with thanks
Ornament from German Christmas market (danke)
Charming felt mice are from Juegoal and the friendly snowman is from Acme

Kolachkes from Kelly at thehungrybluebird.com: “Kolachkes are traditional Czech cookies filled with jam, cheese or nuts and dusted with powdered sugar.  These kolachkes are popular in Chicago area bakeries and my family’s favorite Christmas-time treat!”

Ingredients

  • 4 sticks unsalted butter softened
  • 6 ounces cream cheese softened
  • 3 cups all-purpose flour sifted
  • 6 tablespoons whipping cream
  • Confectioners’ sugar for rolling and sprinkling
  • Jam jelly or preserves of choice
  • Cream cheese filling optional, recipe follows
  • Nut filling optional, recipe follows

Instructions

  • Beat butter and cream cheese in bowl of electric mixer until light. Beat in the flour and cream, alternating the flour and cream, until well mixed. The dough will be very soft. Divide into 4 portions and wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate overnight.
  • Preheat oven to 350º and have ungreased cookie sheets ready.
  • Sprinkle work surface and rolling pin with powdered sugar. Roll out dough portion to about ¼-inch thickness. The dough is hard to roll at first but then gets easier. If it tears a little in spots, just pinch it back together. Use a small round cutter (2-inch diameter) to cut out cookies and place on baking sheet, about 1 – 2 inches apart.
  • Make a small depression in the center of each with your fingertip. I used, and prefer, the bottom of a shot glass which I dipped in powdered sugar so it wouldn’t stick. Works better for me than with my fingertip. Fill cookies scantily with jam, jelly, preserves, cheese or nut filling. If you use too much filling, it will run out onto the baking sheet.
  • Bake until bottoms are lightly browned, about 12 – 15 minutes. Cool on wire rack and sprinkle generously with powdered sugar while still warm.

Notes: Cheese Filling: Beat together 1 (8-ounce) package softened cream cheese, 1 egg yolk, ½ cup powdered sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla until well mixed and smooth. Nut Filling:  Cook 1 cup coarsely ground walnuts in 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, ⅓ cup granulated sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla until the nuts turn golden. Let cool. Makes 7 to 8 dozen, recipe can be halved.

Preparation time: 15 minutes. Baking time: 15 minutes. Overnight chill time: 12 hours. Total Time: 12 hours \, 30 minutes. mins. Servings: 96 pastries. Calories: 57 calories each.

East meets West: Wooden ornament (via Murdough’s Christmas Shop, Stone Harbor) and Lucy the Elephant (lucytheelephant.org), Margate; mug is from GoodStuffGifts on Etsy.
Delightful reminiscing and wonderful recipes by LaVina Vanorny-Barcus (Amazon); caroler decoration from Ye Olde Yardley Florist, and tea bag gift (dekuji)

(Sources: thehungrybird.com, cooklikeczechs.com, visitcechia.com, whychristmas.com, neh.gov, smithsonianmag.com, santaswhiskers.com, Google translate, home.army.mil, traveltomorrow.com, nypost.com, ageofrevolutions.com, Wiki)

“Saint Nicholas Day” All Rights Reserved © 2023 Kathleen Helen Levey

“Welcome Summer at State Fair Meadowlands”

State Fair Meadowlands with MetLife Stadium

“Treat every day like Christmas.”

                       Buddy the Elf

Celebrate summer and every new day out at the State Fair Meadowlands with its welcome return.  Rainbow colors, catchy pop tunes, the whirring of rides, and shrieks of delight – the fair produced by State Fair Event Management is the launch of summer fun.

Perhaps it is true to form that a fair in New Jersey is on pavement as opposed to being in a cornfield, but a magical transformation delivers both an amusement park and a Garden State country fair with face painting, a petting zoo, pig races, high dives, music (not just live music, but great bands), magic shows, and a renowned hypnotist’s act that has most out-of-staters leaving saying, “Where’s the nearest jughandle so we can turn around and do it all again?”  As part of the Meadowlands dynamic, helicopter rides take the place of the traditional hot air balloon ones. The location also gives excellent accessibility, so everyone can attend.

Floating over Root Beer Floats on the Sky Ride ✨

Following so many pairs of tiny hands in big, wandering fairgoers will first encounter a cornucopia of booths with every imagined fair food favorite from cotton candy to tropical smoothies to gyros to empanadillas. (If you’re dieting, wear blinders and track shoes, or better yet, treat your loved ones.)  The serene Sky Ride gives fairgoers an overview and #instagreat photos that meet classic thrill rides like the Polar Express with scares galore in the Haunted Mansion.  Candy colored kiddie rides are rivaled only by the Petting Zoo. Though scaled back a bit this year, the zoo still provides enough kid to kid excitement with goats and barnyard friends to elicit happy dances from small children.  The fun of rides is only part of the “feel good” atmosphere that makes this one of my favorite events in the state.  Adding to the daily fair excitement are the Fourth of July fireworks on July 3rd and 4th.

Cotton Candy and Candy Apples 🍎
The popular Taino’s on Wheels

Young Artists

Did you know that you would meet young artists at the fair?  Portraiture is the new selfie, proving that everything old is new again, and fairgoers will have the pleasure of experiencing charm in person with no signal dropping.  Remember making conversation?  New friends will be met at the fair.

Thank you to these young artists. 🎨🌟

Travel Tidbits

To mask or not to mask?  Candidly, not many wore masks on this year’s visit, but you can wear one without feeling out of place.  If you are concerned, consider going early when it is easier to social distance.  Everyone and everything, however, must pass through a metal detector at the entrance.  Thank you to security for keeping each and every person safe.  Thanks, too, to the amazing professionals calling out to come enjoy the rides and play games, whatever the weather, whatever the crowd, and to those who posed for photos taking it in faith that they were asked for those in good faith.

All smiles at the fun basketball toss at Cully’s Enterprises
The delightful Ring a Duck
The dynamic duo at the Balloon Game 🎈

Tickets for the fair, June 18th through July 11th, must be purchased online and a barcode downloaded for each instead of printing.  A Pay One Price Fun Pass includes free admission, free shows and unlimited rides with some exceptions, and free parking.  A Fast Pass, available only at the fair, entitles ticketholders to upgrade tickets and skip the lines for some ridesChildren under three feet are free, a generous tradition.

Pikachu and Scooby-Doo 🐾

As for souvenirs, the memories to take back into the workaday world are beyond compare.  The fair magician conjures up children’s smiles, peals of laughter, and marvel, shared harmoniously by one and all. With this beautiful weather, what could be better than to rejoin family and friends in fun? With feet on the ground, but hearts in the air, let’s say to each other, “We’ll meet at the fair”.

Charming Kiddie Rides
The Haunted Mansion
Toy Box Mania
The popular Seven Seas
The All American High Dive 💦
Fun @ The Crazy Outback

(Sources: David Bernenbaum, screenwriter for “Elf”, for the opening quote and State Fair Events Management/State Fair Meadowlands)

“Welcome Summer at State Fair Meadowlands” © Kathleen Helen Levey 2021 All Rights Reserved

“The Garden of Friendship”

A snow-laden winter garden may appear bleak, but beneath the earth beats the slow, steady heartbeat of hibernation.  The emerging January light, perhaps the finest for photography, has a newborn clarity.  January, associated with the Roman god of transition and beginnings, Janus, looks both forward and backward in his depictions.  He takes the wisdom drawn from the past into the future, an investment much like the good faith planting of seeds.

With all of us keen for spring and the making of new memories, it is in the quiet time of winter that the groundwork for the miraculous happens.  Looking back, we appreciate the qualities that initially drew us to friends, sustaining memories even though we may enjoy the beauty of snow and crisp, clear winter days while we wait “safely apart”.  (Quotations marks convey the hope that these pandemic expressions will one day fade away from our collective memory.)

Wonderful friendships may have dubious beginnings.  One friend who loved gardens and helped them flourish approached me across a middle school cafeteria during study hall.  Certain I was in trouble, a fait accompli for the teenage mindset, it was quite the opposite – she worked in the school and needed a volunteer.  Immediately, I admired her style.  She always wore a colorful scarf, fabulous earrings, and/or a vibrant lipstick – that conveyed her appreciation for beauty.  As a fan of Maureen O’Hara, I loved her red hair. This graceful woman and a gangly teenager may have seemed an unlikely duo, but the chemistry of friendship was there.  Our friendship evolved like one of those lovely life surprises when your friends’ children also grow up to become your friends.

No friend was more loyal.  We were each other’s cheerleaders during short hems, long hems, big hair, sleek hair, and regular to gel manicures.  We shared scoops on everything from sales on bakeware to arts & cultural events.  She rolled with my youthful Star Trekkiness as I did with her mystifying love of cats.  (Kidding, cat fans.)  No one topped her for the relish and rapid-fire sharing of news-breaking gossip divulged to her circle of friends, but like a skillful tightrope walker, she balanced airily far above meanness.  She and her husband, also a wonderful friend, kindly extended themselves to many friends and former students for years.

Didiers Tulips from Rhinebeck, NY

My favorite story about her is one that I cannot share, but it involved her inventive and hilariously audacious sleuthing to help a wronged friend. (Will leave this to your imagination for now to preserve everyone’s privacy.) Nora Ephron once wrote about her disappointment that while dining out with family and friends that no one had told her that she had spinach in her teeth the entire evening.  Mine was the friend of the gentle nudge or signaling nod who saved me from many awkward social situations like a slip hanging out. (Checked Macy’s online, and slips appear not to have fallen prey to COVID chic.)  No one could ever even insinuate, much less say a bad word about anyone she loved in her presence, which was a rare gift to all of us as loyalties now change along with trending hashtags.  Lest my friend, who became our family friend, seem too serious, it was our shared laughter that I most recall along with our second birthday celebrations together, being almost birthday twins.

In the way that both falling snowflakes on the face awaken us or the first spring breeze feels on bare skin, thinking of my friend brings home the pleasure of a garden.  In her retirement, she volunteered at a beautiful arboretum among many nonprofits.  She most enjoyed working in the garden away from the politics of the office, displaying perennial wisdom.  Showing children how to appreciate nature and pass along beloved flowers, plants, and trees through generations was a true joy.  Having grown up with a special magnolia tree, lilac bush, and weeping willow trees planted by and for family members, I can understand the deep-seated satisfaction of gardeners like my friend who grow flowers, plants, and trees anew from those passed down to them by parents and grandparents.  These make a new place truly home, especially now with so many having moved.  As for my friend’s own flowers, as a meal shared with friends tastes better, so the flowers in her garden were more fragrant and the petals like velvet to the touch.

Our family friend was a prolific reader with virtuosity in discussing authors and their works. My wish was to delight her by being successful with writing in her lifetime, but her love was not dependent upon any behavior or success – it was for who I was, her most generous gift.  Though parting a few years ago was difficult, I was grateful to be here in the Garden State again to show her my gratitude and love while she was ill, small gestures along with those dedicated ones of her loving family and friends-like-family.  Devoted to her husband and family, she summoned all her strength to live until her 50th wedding anniversary, which she did with great joy. Her life-affirming appreciation of God’s gift of nature’s beauty reflected a steadfast belief that we would all meet again.

Writing about my friend has brought long-awaited snow, a gift indeed.  Next month, a visit to the arts, which my friend would have enjoyed.

(Sources: extension.umaine.edu/gardening, merriam-webster.com, Wiki)

“The Garden of Friendship” © Kathleen Helen Levey 2021 All Rights Reserved

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